Believing.

I think the first step in my Recovery was believing in myself. Once I started believing in myself I knew that I could make it. It took a lot of help and support from my sponsor and going to NA meetings to realize that… turns out.. I’m not the only F’d up person out there..

There is something about people sharing their truths raw and honest even as messed up as it can be can be magical. I remember going to a Narcotics Anonymous camp out before I had even 30 days clean. (Still couldn’t even hold a conversation yet or make eye contact with anyone) We all set around a campfire by the lake at sunset and all of us addicts shared our struggles and then what we were grateful for. I had what they call in NA, a spiritual awakening. I’ll never forget it or the faces that were there.

I was lucky enough to have a sponsor that believed in me. And drove my ass to meetings even when I said I couldn’t go. She would show up and make sure I went and pushed me out of my comfort zone. Shoutout to Jillian. I am a very introverted person who likes to isolate. And at the perfect timing she always showed up.

As I mentioned before I also had DSS involvement. With what they call the Start Program. Social worker, peer support, clinical director, therapist. etc. I went weekly for drug screens and met with a peer support specialist. All of those people held me accountable until I could hold myself accountable.

I graduated that program and did 120 hours of Intensive outpatient therapy. I owe a whole lot to them as well. For the first time ever I felt like I could be open and honest. A peer support is someone who has been through stuff similar to what you’ve been through and is now certified through the state to help others. I was blessed to have someone like I did. She came in and sat on the couch the first day I got out of the hospital and made me feel like I wasn’t so alone and even though I had this case with DSS we would get through it together. I could go on and on about how much the start program changed my life.

I was blessed enough to be called a few months ago from the social worker I had to do a interview with the National Start Program. I had been named a successor of the program. It was an honor. All these things in the beginning of my recovery shaped me to be on the right track. I believe in myself now. And I believe anyone can change if I did. And that’s why I have started writing these blogs. I hope it helps someone. “It’s not about where we’ve been but where we are going”