Life.

I sit here finding myself writing a blog. Wondering what the hell I’m doing, actually. Anyways. I’ll start off by telling you a little bit of my story. Almost two years ago I found myself in a hospital bed with my heart giving out. Lost, confused, & completely broken. I had been on heavy drugs for almost half of my 26 years of life. I had lost the will to live.

My story starts out as mosts does. I began drinking at age 13 to cope with some childhood traumas that I wasn’t emotionally equipped to handle. So Alcohol helped me cover up the pain. Addiction runs in most of my family so I should have known better. But with little guidance I did as I wanted.

I always thought that I had greater plans and that it was just “drinking” as my teenage years passed an the lifestyle continued I got introduced to Oxycodone. It was over after that. I became engulfed in needing an wanting to feel high.

At age 19 I found out that I was pregnant. I was terrified. I didn’t know how I was going to raise a baby. All I knew was that she was a gift and was meant to be. I quit using with the help of Maintenance Medicine. A medication that takes you out of withdrawal from Herion and other opiates. I also got married to her father thinking we would both do the family thing and change our ways. With little life skills, we both packed our bags, moved to Texas, and tried our best until our daughter was 2. The thing about addiction. Is it is a disease. It goes with you no matter how far you run.

When my daughter was two I packed my bags and moved me and her back home to NC. And relapsed. It was the hardest next few years of my life… as well as hers. I just wanted to make clear that the hardest part of my story is the pain I’ve caused my child. Anyways. I started using IV drugs. Eventually all of my wrong doings caught up with me. 2 DUIs within a month of each other. As well as “DSS” Child protective services in our life. I almost had her taken from me. 2 days after that. My whole world crumbled when my daughter looked at me and said “I wish I had a new mommy”. That was the changing point and a moment of clarity that got me to where I am today. She was 5 years old. I checked myself into the psychiatric ward of Park Ridge hospital. Where I detoxed and almost died.

I felt God in that hospital room with me. I knew my life was changing and I knew it was going to take hard work. But I was willing. And for the first time in my life I was ready to live. I step by step slowly started growing towards the person I am now. But that’s a whole other part of my story and who I am now.

I really am just grateful an blessed to be able to share this with y’all. I hope it helps someone out there that’s struggling. Don’t ever give up. No matter how much you’ve done or how much pain you’re in. You can change. It takes a lot of hard work and perseverance but it is possible.