So. I would be lying if I said this wasn’t something that I struggle with. If I had more money…” “if only I had more family support.” “If this person hadn’t of done this to me I would be more successful.” There’s a lot of things that for a long time I put the blame on anyone but me. The reality is I couldn’t sit with myself. Hell. 9 times out of 10 the chaos that was surrounding me was due to my own choices. It’s took a lot of looking inward to come to that conclusion.
Accepting reality may seem easy to others but for most of us addicts, it’s not easy. One of the hardest parts of my early recovery was when my daughter had mouth surgery because she had 14 cavities an had to have all 8 back teeth capped. I was devastated. All I could say was “I don’t understand, I took care of her teeth even when I was high” and I believed what I was saying.
It’s taken quite some time for me to come to terms with that fact that I was a shitty mom when I was high. & having a daily reminder of the pain I have caused. When we get clean I think we all have some shit that we have to finally come face to face with. And we can either be strong and own it. Or go back out over it. Those were my choices. I’m choosing to stay. All we have is the present. My daughter shines when I shine. & that’s why I put my mental health above all else.
“You can be pitiful or you can be powerful. But you can’t be both at the same time”
Prayer for the Day
I pray for that peace which passes all understanding. I pray for that peace which the world can neither give nor take away.