I used to always believe that I wasn’t good enough. I had very low self esteem. It showed in most areas of my life. Relationships, work, parenting. I am my own worse critic. It’s almost as if I had to put on a facade to cover up my insecurities. As if people couldn’t clearly see through it. Who was I kidding?
When I finally started to let go of the negative thinking about myself is when I started growing. I became a person who didn’t lie my way through life. To myself and others.
I reflect quite often on the person I once was. I’m still me in a lot of ways. But mostly the good qualities now that shine through. It’s all in the day to day changes that have made a huge difference. Showing up for people, being honest, loving with no agenda, being a friend. And even as simple as making my bed in the mornings. When I do these things I feel as if that’s when I see the true beauty in life.
I always used to look on the outside and see all of these happy families and couples and would get jealous because I felt like, that could never be me. It was almost as though I had accepted the fact that I would never have happiness. I realize now that those people that I used to be envious of, thinking they had some magic potion I didn’t have, are just people who make a choice everyday to show up for themselves and for others.
I take care of people for a living. Mostly very rich successful people. Unfortunately they are the only ones who can afford private healthcare. I’ve been around in the most delicate times of their lives. I’ve quickly learned that for one, money definitely doesn’t buy happiness. And two, that the most genuinely happy ones are the ones who don’t spend extravagant amount of money on different things but yet those who have made those little day to day decisions to show up for themselves and be of service to others, in whatever way that has looked like to them.
I know that I have a lot of things I still struggle with but day by day, minute by minute, I continue to make those small positive changes and it really has made a difference in my life and in return, to those around me.
“It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen”