Forgiveness

I’ve had to let go of a whole lot of shit. When I started this journey I held so many resentments towards people. I resented my parents for not being stable and protecting me more. I resented my child’s father for not being an active father in our daughters life. I resented his family for being so malicious towards me.

All I could think when my mind got clear was how these people in my life who were supposed to be loving figures just destroyed me.

I was molested at age 12 by two different people close to my family. My innocence was ripped away from me. Looking back on it, that is the moment that my life took a drastic turn for the worse.

I should have been protected more and guided more as a child. Yes. But I say that to say this, I’ve accepted that my parents did the best with what they had. I don’t hold resentment towards them anymore. I love them dearly.

I’ve always felt as if I needed to be some sort of light for my family to show them there is a better way. Only now am I actually able to put that into action. All I want to do is live a happy, honest, healthy life and strive for success. I’ve noticed that when I am happy those around me are.

There is freedom in forgiving those who have wronged you. And not only forgiving them but forgiving yourself for your part that you played in it as well. Forgiving someone else comes easy for me. The hardest part is learning to forgive myself.

Also letting go of what is out of my control. People’s actions that I can’t control. And learning healthy boundaries with those that trigger me. I have to be a little selfish now when it comes to making sure my mental health is okay.

When I became more at ease with my past is when I became more confident in the person I am today. When I am completely confident in the choices I make an the person I am becoming, the hurt of the past becomes a little more bearable each day.