Seeing Someone Through Death

When I wasn’t even 90 days clean from a 10 year drug use. I became a Private Caregiver. Sounds crazy right? I promise my heart was in it and him and his wife became my life. I found purpose for my life again. Truly, I don’t think I’d be sitting here talking to you today if God hadn’t placed these people in my life.

Him and his wife moved here from California to retire. Not even a week in their brand new house that they designed together an had built, He became very sick and ended up on hospice. His disease is Dementia. My best friend works in this line of work so they reached out to her. She became a caregiver for him. But they ended up needing more help.

So she reached out to me and that’s when I started working. I will forever be grateful to her for putting her name on the line for me and for believing in me. She is my biggest supporter.. My job responsibilities were bathing, dressing, feeding, laundry… etc.

I loved going into work and seeing them. I became very close to his wife. She inspired me so much. Watching her day in an day out take care of her dying husband and never giving up. I never seen her complain, I never seen her say she couldn’t do something. She is a one of those kind of women that when you are around you just think to yourself damn she is a strong woman. She built a successful business in Thousand Oaks, California. Then became a Certified Financial Planner at age 65. She gave me strength and inspiration in myself that she doesn’t even realize how much. She taught me things that I will carry through the rest of my life and to my daughter. She doesn’t know my past. I will eventually get the courage up to tell her. Just not yet.

They live on top of a mountain. We went on many walks. And Ripper (the man I was taking care of) I confided in. You know they say you can have a spiritual connection to souls…. I believe this is true. Some people might say that he didn’t know what I was talking about. But I know he did. I told him about all of my past and he still believed in me. He couldn’t really say full sentences. But the few he did was…. “you either got it or ya don’t” and “manifest your own destiny” is the most I got out of him. He didn’t have to say much. It was the smiles and the continuous laughs that made our connection.

I was with Ripper by his bedside through his death. I comforted him for hours and hours. Looking in his eyes. He told me he was going home. He smiled at me up until his death. When I was at his bedside I looked to his wife an asked if she wanted to sit there and hold his hand. She looked at me and said you are connected with him, I want you to stay. Me, Rip, and San (his wife) were all wearing the same color that day. Not by intention..

When Ripper passed a Blue Bird flew and sat right outside the window directly in front of me. I felt God. I’m not a religious person. But God was in that room with us. I’m a true believer in God and Spiritual connections with people. I know I have felt something worth speaking about.

I think God placed me in their lives when they needed it most and vice versa. I will continue to carry on the lightness and structure that I found from being apart of their home an lives for 2 years.

If I can go from a needle junkie to building a life of helping others and having my own place and the structure that I have in my life today. I believe that anyone in this world can. I felt for a long time as if I had nothing to offer anyone. But when in reality I do. I just had to gain the confidence in myself to be able to share these things with people. I just hope that someone can read my life stories and relate and start believing in themselves too.

I love all of you guys. Remember to take it one day at a time. Laugh & take it easy on yourself.






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